he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
