hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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