You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
