GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
