dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
