Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
