So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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