when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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