Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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