good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
