i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
