take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
