I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
