...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
