gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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