I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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