the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
