just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
