made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
