i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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