i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The best revenge is premature balding
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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