Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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