I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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