the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
