i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
