At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
