I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
