Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
