so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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