I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
