Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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