I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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