somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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