If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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