Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
