I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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