I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
