I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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