i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
