based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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