Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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