Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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