I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
