So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
