I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
your thong is hanging out like whoa
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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