May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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