maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
