Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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