Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
