Already got asked if we're dating
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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