Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
