I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your penis caused this!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
