And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
