the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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