the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
