Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
