Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
