My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
