I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
