i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
