Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
