if you like me you must not know who I am
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
