Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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