i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize