You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
