Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
