im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
