you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
