Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
