I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
