they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
