i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
