Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Drake has all the answers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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