So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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