At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
