i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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