All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
