just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
