@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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