Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
